“Put your penis inside her vagina and ejaculate in to it. Simple. Haven't you done that already?” She said to Aseem my ex-husband.
Aseem sat back in his chair, took a big gulp in while pretending to be normal. No this wasn't a live sex act. This in fact was my 'family planning' being ridiculed by a very famous OB-GYN in Hiranandani, Powai, Mumbai.
All I wanted was a routine check up about my fertility. I forgot that I was in this paradigm, in this country. A highly educated, cosmopolitan doctor showed me my flawed thinking.
How did I dare to decide my own fate about when to have my child? Wasn't that the society, the relatives and the doctor's prerogative?
But here is the hilarious bit. This innocent routine check up turned into a vicious voodoo interrogation for Aseem. When she knew I was not be intimidated, she turned to Aseem. After all he is the man. He is the one who decides 'intelligently' and 'logically'. She obviously did not know who ruled the roost in our little family.
Her last words to him (mind you, not even me) were “If she has a baby without taking my medicines, I will quit my job.”
How I regret not taking her up on that bet!
We came out. I was calm. Aseem more embarrassed but slightly reflective. For a liberal guy like him this was quite an unnecessary penis-vagina talk.
I sensed his discomfort. He wouldn't express it. That's him. I said, “Relax. I am capable of having a baby.” He asked “What if she is right?” I said, “Yes she maybe. But didn't you just witness how many women trying to have a baby came for my classes in last few months and ended up having one right the next month?”
He said, “Yes that's true but what”... I interrupted. “There must be a reason why only these cases came in the last few months.”
He said, “Yes that's true but what if it's too late when you are 32?”
“All I can say is trust me. Trust Reiki. Trust us. When I am ready we will have a baby. One doesn't need a doctor’s permission for it.”
Cut to a year later Maa and I were in Munich, Germany for our Dynamic Reiki workshops. One evening she said to me “Gesu it's time now. Have a baby.” I knew it was time. I came back home and we happily got to it. I conceived. Knew it 15 days before I missed my periods. A very talented German Cranio sacral therapist confirmed it. She said it's too young right now. We can't say if it will stay.
It didn't. I travelled to Paris with my friends/ students. I walked a lot. Looked at some baby stuff. Even kept my hand on my tummy. Next morning my periods came. Heavier than usual. I knew it was not the time. But why not? I was interested in knowing the metaphysical reason behind the miscarriage (which it technically was not, because my periods came on time). Not even once did the doctor's warning cross my mind.
Then I came back home to India. I did some self enquiry. I was guided. “Of course!” I exclaimed in joy as I realised it.
That evening I approached Aseem. I said it's time to have a baby. Let's go to Shirdi (Sai Baba, the Ascended master who accompanies me) and take his blessings.
He agreed wholeheartedly. It was a beautiful divine time there. In the crazy new year crowd we took Baba’s blessings. I asked for a kind, gentle, loving and spiritual soul to come to us.
Came back. Made love. I conceived Kabir right that time. Yup! All logic defied. One time only. Knew it right then. Knew the gender too. Told Aseem. He goes by 'don't count your chickens before they hatch theory'. He wanted to celebrate at the right time. I felt pregnant. Period. Actually no period please.
Aseem did not want to give in to my celebrations. He didn't want to be disappointed. In this context he is one with more tenderness in his heart (You should see him with kids). Hence we went ahead with a planned bike trip to Ooty in south India.
Hundreds of bike riders were gathering for an annual celebration. Riding cross country. Smoking it up. In hindsight It was a quite a contrary setting to celebrate my spiritual style of conception.
All through out the journey I got the physical and spiritual signs.
When we came back all exhausted from the trip. Aseem bought me a home pregnancy test. I was pregnant. All I said was “I told you so.”
The first trimester was as it usually is. Nauseous and giddy. I made a few mistakes and went through a difficult journey in the next trimesters. Another doctor told me I wouldn't live. I outlived that prediction. More about that some other time.
Feeling infertile? Tried a lot? Had several miscarriages? Suffering from any stage of Endometriosis? Or anything else?
My suggestion is don't take it so seriously.
Doctors and healers. Care takers and relatives are only advisors. No one is God for you. No one is final. No word is written in stone.
If you are willing anything can be changed. If you are unwilling (and sometimes you can be that metaphysically but not know it). It changes after you have changed from within.
According to my personal and professional experience fertility is not a uterus, penis, vagina matter.
You don't conceive in your uterus. You conceive in your heart. Have you tried the heart pregnancy yet?
I can guide you. Take it straight from the horse's mouth.